Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
