I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize