People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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