As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
