she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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