Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
