I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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