I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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