I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
