You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
