Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
