the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
