I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
a search helicopter?!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My vagina is officially offended.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
