I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
