Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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