We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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