I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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