I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night