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Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
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