Don't you send me to vm
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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