chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
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i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
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I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.