youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE