fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?