she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
