Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
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I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
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This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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