Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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