wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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