Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
smell my finger.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
