i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
