she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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