he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
