so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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