Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
