1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize