Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
