Im at strip club and am horny
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
