so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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