3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I smell stomach acid.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
