Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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