I must be too annoying 4 u.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
