Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The Olympian is in my bed
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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