Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
