Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just found puke in my bra..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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