well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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