i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize