it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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