We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
