At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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