your room smells of hookers.
And success
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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