Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
