i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i wish my penis had a tongue
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
