Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
