So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
