Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
