I'm so fucking centered right now
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
