If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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