Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
