party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My penis needs a shock collar
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
