He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
