when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
