i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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