how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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