She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
