his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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