his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
