I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
