your room smells of hookers.
And success
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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