who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
