we have pet lesbian snakes
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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