omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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