So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
