I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
