When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
