You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
